I do believe there are more people like me out there, who sometimes just DONT DO what they have promised themselves to do. When it comes to exercising for an example, how difficult it can be to ”just” START or to ”just” START AGAIN even and how it sometimes feels like these ”new habits” are physicaly fighting you back.

In this post i will give you the tools that finally worked for me after 3 years of struggle. The tools i had to use to win back my interest for my biggest passion in life – EXERCISING!

Its been 3 years now since i got sick both mentaly and physicaly at ”the same time” (we all know body and mind are connected and ofcourse one thing triggered the other). I got chronical neckpain and i got ”burned out”. Ever since i recovered from the most critical stage ive tried to go back to the gym, go back to do what i loved to do, go back to the PERSON I WAS. I started off a hundred times and ofcourse i stoped as many.

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 At first i thought that there was something wrong with me (Yeah, except from the ”popped” discs in my neck and the mental illness) cause i couldnt do it. I just couldnt do it. I started to think that ”Hmm, maybe i never had enough interest for this, maybe this wasnt my passion and what if im actually not as strong as i always thought i was? I started to doubt myself, my capability of doing things and my LOVE for something thats been of my highest interest for years and years back. Ever since i was a little girl i have loved to challenge my physical strenght in all kind of ways. Very strange how the mind works sometimes and how easy it is to blame yourself for everything, to look inside of yourself instead of looking around you.

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It was when i started to look around me and questioning my environment i got my first reality check. A reality check of pushing myself and my body into something that wasnt comfortable at all. This is something i had difficulties to understand. When you have spent alot of time somewhere, a place wich has brought you joy, happiness, comfort and strenght would suddenly be harmful in any way. Let me compare it to a relationship between two loved ones that doesnt turn out as planned. It takes some time to get out of it, to realise and to understand how this wonderful person who during so many years made you smile, gave you strenght and were your day to day ”rock to lean against” now is draining your energy, making you angry and uncomfortable and if you could you would even avoid being close to him/her. I think its a period of grief of loosing something you love/loved that has to be dealt with before the brain gives you space to understand what actually happened.

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I needed time and space to deal with the grief AND with the constant pain in my body wich i was dealing with everyday. I chose to change my environment to get piece and to physicaly get away from everything that WAS, WHO I WAS and whom I were not anymore. I took all the money i had left in my account and travelled to Asia and Africa for as long as i could afford wich turned out to be for four months when the trip was over. Africa has always been my ”second home” on this planet but WHY ASIA…ill tell you why! Because Asia is cheap, cheap to eat somehow healthy, cheap accomondation AND cheap body treatments. Massages, pedicures, manicures, waxing etc. And they have a couple of beautiful beaches to recover on as well. I knew that much. I needed to take care of MYSELF!

It was on this trip i succeeded for the first time to keep my exercise routine for a while but note ”for a while”, it didnt last. I did some of my exercises in an outdoor place in the garden of the hostel and it was fine until the touristseason started off for real and the hostel got packed. People passing through the garden, tents everywhere around my little oas and sometimes other people where using ”my” space in the garden to exercise as well. That was enough for me at that stage to loose my motivation and to skip my routine for a couple of days and then it was long gone. I choose not to see all these ”START UPS” as failures because everytime i have started again and tried to get going and stoped i have stoped for a reason and that reason has been another ”heads up” about what i NEED to succeed.

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Today i am exercising a couple of times a week, i still get pain from time to time and sometimes its very difficult to understand why. But i havnt stoped yet. I still dont look forward to my session but i do it and i do enjoy it from time to time but for sure im a better person and a much happier person after every single one of them and i think that is what partly keeps me going right now. The BIG reason i havnt lost it yet this time is because of the environment i have created around me. With that i do not refer to the fact that im in Africa ”My lovely Africa” but i do refer to these changes below:

• A change of mind. There is nothing wrong with ME. Its the environment thats not good for me. With environment i mean alot of things wich will be part of my changes below. I also had to break down my goal with my training into bits and pieces. Trying not to aim for a fit and strong body, painfree results or to find THAT amazing exercise. My goal was now TO DO IT. Thats it.

• A change of training environment. The gym environment made my heart beat faster, not cause of exercise as it should but because of stress. I had also become sensitive to the presence of other people around me wherever i was. I have always loved to be outside – Lets train outside from now on.

• A change of proffession. At least for a while. I stopped operating as a trainer and i put my company on hold for a while. I got a job in a total different bransch and wich didnt demand the same amount of stress. The new job also brought me to another country wich has given me alot of benefits regarding the stress levels and the pain. A great bonus i must say.

• A change of living. I moved to another town where ”nobody” (at least not everybody) knew me AND then ofcourse there was a change of apartment as well. Moving to a new place gave me the opportunity to throw away alot of stuff, old stuff, bad memories or maybe just un-necessary memories that took me back in time instead of moving forward. Bad energy. The new apartment were also smaller, not as expensive as the other one and easier to maintain wich took away some of the pressure of my shoulder.

• A change of ”type of training”. I started to do only functional movements only using my bodyweight or in most cases much less than that to be able to give my body more mobility AND to not get the chance to compare the ”new me” with the ”old me” to avoid dissapointment.

• A change of way of planning and thinking about my training sessions. I started off saying to myself i would exercise everyday and that i needed a schedual to follow to make it happen. Because thats what ive always had. That didnt last for long and i had to remove that pressure as well. After that I said to myself…”OK! The days with less pain and enough time to do exercises, let me walk down to ”The Lodge” (my little training oas here in the bush) with Akilah (my dog) and walk back. Thats IT. If i feel like doing something more than that when im down there i will . It worked. Ive been down there even more since then.

• A change of ”motivator”. Could i combine my sessions with something else i like doing apart from exercising? The motivator was not the exercise itself anymore. Not at this stage when the only thing i could do was mobility training, wich is far far away from my interest in lifting heavy weights and getting a rush from feeling like Superwoman. I needed a drive. I started to make exercise videos and took beautiful pictures of the bush on the way down there and back (I have a huge interest in photos since long time back as well). Another thing that motivates me is to inspire others so i started being active on my company instagram (js_focusonfitness) again – just for fun and i started to blog again. In that way i managed to BOOST my PURPOSE of my training sessions and it all suddenly made more sense to me. I must say that Akilah my dog has also been a drive for me. To bring her with me, making sure she got her walk and that we got OUR time togehter away from all the other humans and animals to be able to train a bit and to create that special bond between the two of us.

 

These are not things someone can change in a day and we all have different abilities. It takes time, experience of the wrong and experience of the good. So far its taken me 3 years altogether to understand, adjust, compromise and to create new values in life. On top of these changes above i have also managed to create other better habits around me cause of where i am. Im eating much healthier than in a long time, im getting my vitamin D and enough daylight from the sun and the blue sky and im surrounded my animals. Only these three things are for sure making a big difference to how i feel.

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I look at these good new habits as FUEL for me to continue on this road wich hopefully will lead me back on track to find my PASSION again. Im not there yet but this time i havnt stopped!

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I still struggle alot with my motivation for alot of things, not just the exercises and some days i feel like shit. Those days i let myself feel like shit, i do cry if i have to and i defenitely dont force myself to do any exercises these days. Most important, i do my very best to not blame myself for not doing anything and this is much easier without a schedual. Tomorrow is another day and if i feel like doing exactly the same thing as last time thats what i do.

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